How to Beat Relationship Insecurity

superheroyou How to Beat Relationship Insecurity

It’s natural to feel insecure sometimes in your romantic relationships. But it’s not natural to be constantly panicked that you’re not good enough for your partner or that he/she is going to leave you. Even if it doesn’t manifest in needy, jealous or controlling behaviors, all that anxiety isn’t good for your mental health! That’s why you should follow our tips to beat relationship insecurity.

1. Know it’s not about you.

Human beings are naturally wired to assume that every little thing is about us – but it’s not! This is a crucial point to remember next time you find yourself feeling insecure over something your partner did or said. Experiment with coming up with 3 alternate explanations for your partner’s behavior, instead of jumping to the one that speaks to the quality of your relationship. Sure, he might not want to go out tonight because he’s getting bored of you. But it’s far more likely that he’s just tired from the workweek and wants to take a break.

2. Recognize your baggage.

Most people are insecure for a reason. Maybe your parents were always distant, and now you need constant reassurance that your partner loves you and wants to be with you. Maybe your ex left you at the altar. It’s inevitable that a few failed relationships as an adult will leave you carrying some baggage. But you don’t have to let that baggage define your future relationships! Figure out what yours is, and see how that’s influencing your insecurity. Just recognizing you have that baggage will help you realize the areas in which you might be overreacting. And work on letting all that baggage go.

3. Fight. 

One of the worst things you can do for the security of your relationship is to avoid conflict. Yes, arguing is stressful – but it’s essential for any successful long-term relationship. Letting your problems fester will only make them worse and lead to a big blow-out that might just end in exactly what you were trying to avoid: the end of your relationship. Getting through a fight together will deepen your bond and your trust in one another – and you’ll feel much better about your relationship.

4. Trust that you’ll be fine.

Loving someone so much you can’t live without them sounds romantic but is actually terrible. Believing you can’t function without your partner is a one-way ticket to neediness, insecurity and a surefire unhealthy relationship. So learn to trust in yourself! When you start to doubt your relationship, remind yourself that you are an amazing person whom your partner is lucky to be with. You are a gift in the lives of the people around you – and if your partner cannot see that, it is his/her loss, not yours. Sure, losing your partner will hurt. But the knowledge you will survive it will help you deal with your insecurities in a healthy way and give you the courage to walk away if the relationship isn’t fulfilling you.

5. Go to the gym.

It’s easy to tell yourself you’re an amazing person, but it’s a lot tougher to believe it. That’s why we’re big fans of going to the gym! Any hobby that gets your mind off your relationship will help – but exercising has a plethora of other benefits. Exercise increases endorphins, which boost your mood and will give you a more positive outlook on every aspect of your life – including your relationship. Plus, getting in shape will help you feel better about your body and boost your confidence. And the more confident you are in yourself, the less likely you are to feel insecure in your relationship.

6. Pick your sounding board carefully.

Sure, venting about your relationship can be cathartic – and with the right friend, you might realize your insecurities aren’t based in fact. But talk about it with someone who’s equally insecure in his/her own relationship and you might come home convinced your partner is cheating on you. So be careful who you discuss these issues with! And if you remain insecure no matter who you talk to, it might be a good idea to consider a therapist.

7. Look for the good.

When you’re insecure in your relationship, you obsess over everything that might be wrong. But chances are, there’s a lot of good in your relationship – otherwise you wouldn’t still be in it! so start looking for the positive signs instead of the negative ones. When was the last time your partner did something really sweet for you? And don’t freak out if you still see some negative signs anyway. No relationship is perfect.

8. Trust your intuition.

Now for the scary part: sometimes, our insecurity is a warning. Sometimes, we ignore that nagging feeling that our partner seems just a little too into his/her coworker – only to realize that we were right all along. But that doesn’t always happen! The key is to know the difference between intuition and imagination. So next time you begin to panic, take three deep breaths and really listen to yourself. You should be able to recognize if this is really something you need to be worried about or is just a result of an overactive imagination. But it’s crucial to be honest with yourself! Sometimes, you might learn something you didn’t want to – like that your relationship isn’t working and you need to end it. If that’s the case, refer back to #4.

Everybody deserves a relationship where they feel happy, confident and secure. So don’t despair! You will find one – whether it’s the one you’re in now, or somewhere down the line.

Liked this? Check out 10 Tips to Manage Your Jealousy!

Written by Sasha Graffagna

It’s natural to feel insecure sometimes in your romantic relationships. But it’s not natural to be constantly panicked that you’re not good enough for your partner or that he/she is going to leave you. Even if it doesn’t manifest in needy, jealous or controlling behaviors, all that anxiety isn’t good for your mental health! That’s why you should follow our tips to beat relationship insecurity.

1. Know it’s not about you.

Human beings are naturally wired to assume that every little thing is about us – but it’s not! This is a crucial point to remember next time you find yourself feeling insecure over something your partner did or said. Experiment with coming up with 3 alternate explanations for your partner’s behavior, instead of jumping to the one that speaks to the quality of your relationship. Sure, he might not want to go out tonight because he’s getting bored of you. But it’s far more likely that he’s just tired from the workweek and wants to take a break.

2. Recognize your baggage.

Most people are insecure for a reason. Maybe your parents were always distant, and now you need constant reassurance that your partner loves you and wants to be with you. Maybe your ex left you at the altar. It’s inevitable that a few failed relationships as an adult will leave you carrying some baggage. But you don’t have to let that baggage define your future relationships! Figure out what yours is, and see how that’s influencing your insecurity. Just recognizing you have that baggage will help you realize the areas in which you might be overreacting. And work on letting all that baggage go.

3. Fight. 

One of the worst things you can do for the security of your relationship is to avoid conflict. Yes, arguing is stressful – but it’s essential for any successful long-term relationship. Letting your problems fester will only make them worse and lead to a big blow-out that might just end in exactly what you were trying to avoid: the end of your relationship. Getting through a fight together will deepen your bond and your trust in one another – and you’ll feel much better about your relationship.

4. Trust that you’ll be fine.

Loving someone so much you can’t live without them sounds romantic but is actually terrible. Believing you can’t function without your partner is a one-way ticket to neediness, insecurity and a surefire unhealthy relationship. So learn to trust in yourself! When you start to doubt your relationship, remind yourself that you are an amazing person whom your partner is lucky to be with. You are a gift in the lives of the people around you – and if your partner cannot see that, it is his/her loss, not yours. Sure, losing your partner will hurt. But the knowledge you will survive it will help you deal with your insecurities in a healthy way and give you the courage to walk away if the relationship isn’t fulfilling you.

5. Go to the gym.

It’s easy to tell yourself you’re an amazing person, but it’s a lot tougher to believe it. That’s why we’re big fans of going to the gym! Any hobby that gets your mind off your relationship will help – but exercising has a plethora of other benefits. Exercise increases endorphins, which boost your mood and will give you a more positive outlook on every aspect of your life – including your relationship. Plus, getting in shape will help you feel better about your body and boost your confidence. And the more confident you are in yourself, the less likely you are to feel insecure in your relationship.

6. Pick your sounding board carefully.

Sure, venting about your relationship can be cathartic – and with the right friend, you might realize your insecurities aren’t based in fact. But talk about it with someone who’s equally insecure in his/her own relationship and you might come home convinced your partner is cheating on you. So be careful who you discuss these issues with! And if you remain insecure no matter who you talk to, it might be a good idea to consider a therapist.

7. Look for the good.

When you’re insecure in your relationship, you obsess over everything that might be wrong. But chances are, there’s a lot of good in your relationship – otherwise you wouldn’t still be in it! so start looking for the positive signs instead of the negative ones. When was the last time your partner did something really sweet for you? And don’t freak out if you still see some negative signs anyway. No relationship is perfect.

8. Trust your intuition.

Now for the scary part: sometimes, our insecurity is a warning. Sometimes, we ignore that nagging feeling that our partner seems just a little too into his/her coworker – only to realize that we were right all along. But that doesn’t always happen! The key is to know the difference between intuition and imagination. So next time you begin to panic, take three deep breaths and really listen to yourself. You should be able to recognize if this is really something you need to be worried about or is just a result of an overactive imagination. But it’s crucial to be honest with yourself! Sometimes, you might learn something you didn’t want to – like that your relationship isn’t working and you need to end it. If that’s the case, refer back to #4.

Everybody deserves a relationship where they feel happy, confident and secure. So don’t despair! You will find one – whether it’s the one you’re in now, or somewhere down the line.

Liked this? Check out 10 Tips to Manage Your Jealousy!

Written by Sasha Graffagna

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