Emily Morse’s 5 Tips on How to Be A Sexual Superhero

Sex. It’s an intensely pleasurable part of any relationship. But it’s also an area that’s often fraught with tension, and can make or break your relationship. In our interview, sexologist Emily Morse gave us the following tips on how you can be a sexual superhero. And while Emily refers to these in heterosexual terms, this advice can be applied to any couple.

1. Learn how to be confident in bed.

According to Emily, being confident in bed helps create sexual enhancement, and communication about it can bridge sexual pleasure. But sometimes, you gotta fake it till you make it. It’s something you can do even if you’re new to sex.

“Really, it’s a learning on the job kind of thing,” Emily says. “So you just want to make sure that even in the early stages of having sex, you’re paying attention to how your partner’s reacting. If a man’s performing oral sex on a woman, is her breath quickening? Does she look like she’s having a good time? Just pay attention so you know what’s happening. That’s how confidence builds, because you know that you’re pleasing them.”

“It also comes from various areas,” Emily adds. “Learning about yourself sexually through masturbation. Learning what your desires are, your fantasies, and then learning your partner’s arousal and desire. Confidence comes from increasing your own sexual education. And again, that comes from knowledge, from reading, listening to podcasts, doing research, but a lot of it comes from on the job. Actually having sex.”

“Confidence is also about self-assurance, being open, being accepting, being non-judgmental and not judging your partner,” Emily continues. “A lot of guys, they lack confidence…They have these thoughts and they can create a lot of sexual dysfunction and sexual worry. And I would say that to increase confidence is to be present and to be in the moment and to ask questions and, again, to communicate. And then for men, the more that you see and you have results of knowing that you can please a woman, it will make you feel good.”

So if you want to be confident, you can listen to Emily’s podcast with your partner, or buy DVDs or books. But having sex is the best way to learn.

2.  Communication is the lubrication.

You can’t have good sex if you’re not talking about it. Emily is completely against faking orgasms, because doing so sends a mixed message to one’s partner. Since many women can’t orgasm because some sexual positions don’t allow for enough clitoral stimulation, she urges using a finger or a clitoral vibrator to help it along. She also added that women often want to be ‘pleasers’ and so won’t say when something is uncomfortable. But they need to.

“When it comes to your body and it comes to feeling good, there should be nothing off-limits,” she says.

Communication is just as important for men, too.  For example, men often pre-ejaculate or can’t stay hard long enough. While these can often be discussed with your doctor, too many couples let it become the elephant in the room.

“Women, in their minds, what they start to do is think, ‘he’s not turned on by me,'” Emily says. “‘I’m doing something wrong. He doesn’t think I’m sexy. He’s not attracted to me.’ So it actually becomes a problem when you don’t talk about these things, because we tend to assume that it’s our fault.”

“I also think that a lot of men have certain fantasies or things that they’d like,” Emily says. “They might want to try being more dominant or they might want more oral sex from their partner. And so they just have to start really asking about these things.”

3. Keep the sex talk light.

Talking about sex is a skill that’s very hard for a lot of people, Emily says. It’s a very charged topic – but there are things you can do to become more comfortable with it.

“Take it lightly, and don’t think that it’s a big discussion,” Emily says. “Don’t make it ‘we have to talk about our sex life now.’ But I always start out with something positive. God, I’m really enjoying the sex that we’re having. What would you think would be interesting to try?”

Other ideas: Trade sexual bucket lists of things that turn you on. Watch porn together, or go shopping for some sex toys. Ask about each other’s fantasies. Ask what your most memorable sexcapade together was, and see what you can learn from your partner’s answers.

“Just get the ball rolling by being comfortable and using that language and actually talking about it,” Emily advises. “And it’ll become more comfortable. More common. You won’t be as scared and then you can start to bring up bigger issues.”

“I think the sooner the better too,” she adds. “A lot of people wait to talk about sex until there’s a problem. And I think it’s great to say: ‘How was that for you? What else can we do that’s fun? Is there anything that you’ve been wanting to try?’ So just ask questions like that.”

4. Do your Kegels.

Think Kegels are only for women? Think again. Doing your Kegel exercises helps you have stronger orgasms – and helps men last longer in bed. But nobody ever remembers to do them. Luckily, Emily has a solution.

“I have an iPhone app called KegelCamp, and it’s for men and for women,” Emily says. “Every day, you can set a reminder on your phone for 5 minutes and my voice walks you through your exercises. There’s 20 levels. It’s fun; it makes it a game.”

“Men and women who do their kegels all report having better sex and stronger orgasms,” Emily adds. “Because it’s a muscle. Those are the muscles that you have to exercise, like any other muscle.”

5. Know that there are no limits.

We asked Emily, what’s something that most people don’t know about sex that you wish everybody did? This was her response:

“I wish that everybody knew that sex is expansive, and that their bodies have unlimited potential for pleasure, and it should always be growing and expanding throughout their life. And they should constantly be looking at new ways to spice up their sex life, to learn new erogenous zones. You can constantly be learning and growing and having amazing sex, and it can just get better and better and better. And that there are no limits when it comes to sex, to finding what pleases you.”

Want more from Emily? Find her here, then let us know what you thought in the comments, on Facebook or Tweet us @SuperheroYou. Don’t forget to check back next week for even more sex tips!

Written by Sasha Graffagna 

Photo Credit: Daniel E Lee via Compfight cc

Sex. It’s an intensely pleasurable part of any relationship. But it’s also an area that’s often fraught with tension, and can make or break your relationship. In our interview, sexologist Emily Morse gave us the following tips on how you can be a sexual superhero. And while Emily refers to these in heterosexual terms, this advice can be applied to any couple.

1. Learn how to be confident in bed.

According to Emily, being confident in bed helps create sexual enhancement, and communication about it can bridge sexual pleasure. But sometimes, you gotta fake it till you make it. It’s something you can do even if you’re new to sex.

“Really, it’s a learning on the job kind of thing,” Emily says. “So you just want to make sure that even in the early stages of having sex, you’re paying attention to how your partner’s reacting. If a man’s performing oral sex on a woman, is her breath quickening? Does she look like she’s having a good time? Just pay attention so you know what’s happening. That’s how confidence builds, because you know that you’re pleasing them.”

“It also comes from various areas,” Emily adds. “Learning about yourself sexually through masturbation. Learning what your desires are, your fantasies, and then learning your partner’s arousal and desire. Confidence comes from increasing your own sexual education. And again, that comes from knowledge, from reading, listening to podcasts, doing research, but a lot of it comes from on the job. Actually having sex.”

“Confidence is also about self-assurance, being open, being accepting, being non-judgmental and not judging your partner,” Emily continues. “A lot of guys, they lack confidence…They have these thoughts and they can create a lot of sexual dysfunction and sexual worry. And I would say that to increase confidence is to be present and to be in the moment and to ask questions and, again, to communicate. And then for men, the more that you see and you have results of knowing that you can please a woman, it will make you feel good.”

So if you want to be confident, you can listen to Emily’s podcast with your partner, or buy DVDs or books. But having sex is the best way to learn.

2.  Communication is the lubrication.

You can’t have good sex if you’re not talking about it. Emily is completely against faking orgasms, because doing so sends a mixed message to one’s partner. Since many women can’t orgasm because some sexual positions don’t allow for enough clitoral stimulation, she urges using a finger or a clitoral vibrator to help it along. She also added that women often want to be ‘pleasers’ and so won’t say when something is uncomfortable. But they need to.

“When it comes to your body and it comes to feeling good, there should be nothing off-limits,” she says.

Communication is just as important for men, too.  For example, men often pre-ejaculate or can’t stay hard long enough. While these can often be discussed with your doctor, too many couples let it become the elephant in the room.

“Women, in their minds, what they start to do is think, ‘he’s not turned on by me,'” Emily says. “‘I’m doing something wrong. He doesn’t think I’m sexy. He’s not attracted to me.’ So it actually becomes a problem when you don’t talk about these things, because we tend to assume that it’s our fault.”

“I also think that a lot of men have certain fantasies or things that they’d like,” Emily says. “They might want to try being more dominant or they might want more oral sex from their partner. And so they just have to start really asking about these things.”

3. Keep the sex talk light.

Talking about sex is a skill that’s very hard for a lot of people, Emily says. It’s a very charged topic – but there are things you can do to become more comfortable with it.

“Take it lightly, and don’t think that it’s a big discussion,” Emily says. “Don’t make it ‘we have to talk about our sex life now.’ But I always start out with something positive. God, I’m really enjoying the sex that we’re having. What would you think would be interesting to try?”

Other ideas: Trade sexual bucket lists of things that turn you on. Watch porn together, or go shopping for some sex toys. Ask about each other’s fantasies. Ask what your most memorable sexcapade together was, and see what you can learn from your partner’s answers.

“Just get the ball rolling by being comfortable and using that language and actually talking about it,” Emily advises. “And it’ll become more comfortable. More common. You won’t be as scared and then you can start to bring up bigger issues.”

“I think the sooner the better too,” she adds. “A lot of people wait to talk about sex until there’s a problem. And I think it’s great to say: ‘How was that for you? What else can we do that’s fun? Is there anything that you’ve been wanting to try?’ So just ask questions like that.”

4. Do your Kegels.

Think Kegels are only for women? Think again. Doing your Kegel exercises helps you have stronger orgasms – and helps men last longer in bed. But nobody ever remembers to do them. Luckily, Emily has a solution.

“I have an iPhone app called KegelCamp, and it’s for men and for women,” Emily says. “Every day, you can set a reminder on your phone for 5 minutes and my voice walks you through your exercises. There’s 20 levels. It’s fun; it makes it a game.”

“Men and women who do their kegels all report having better sex and stronger orgasms,” Emily adds. “Because it’s a muscle. Those are the muscles that you have to exercise, like any other muscle.”

5. Know that there are no limits.

We asked Emily, what’s something that most people don’t know about sex that you wish everybody did? This was her response:

“I wish that everybody knew that sex is expansive, and that their bodies have unlimited potential for pleasure, and it should always be growing and expanding throughout their life. And they should constantly be looking at new ways to spice up their sex life, to learn new erogenous zones. You can constantly be learning and growing and having amazing sex, and it can just get better and better and better. And that there are no limits when it comes to sex, to finding what pleases you.”

Want more from Emily? Find her here, then let us know what you thought in the comments, on Facebook or Tweet us @SuperheroYou. Don’t forget to check back next week for even more sex tips!

Written by Sasha Graffagna 

Photo Credit: Daniel E Lee via Compfight cc

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